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Lyrics:

[Intro]
[Sound of a mobile phone notification, immediately followed by a furious, speeding folk fiddle riff and a stomping drum beat]

[Verse 1]
Now they're sayin' our mobile phones are makin' us all thick!
These academic so-and-sos, they make me bloody sick!
Sittin' in their ivory towers, lookin' down their nose!
While I'm readin' the news on the bus, right under my clothes!

[Verse 2]
They say we can't write cursive, that our attention span is shot!
I'll tell 'em where to put their thesis, every bloody lot!
I can text me Nana, and I can map me way to town!
There's more brains in this smartphone than their dusty books held down!

[Pre-Chorus]
[Music pulls back slightly, building tension]
"And it's a post-literate state!" he whines, all posh and overbred...

[Chorus]
[Full band erupts, everyone shouting along]
Well, you can take your academia and shove it where the sun don't shine!
This Yorkshire wisdom's workin' perfectly well, and it's still mine!
We're not post-nowt, you daft old git, we're readin' all the time!
Just 'cause it's not on parchment, don't mean it's not a bloody rhyme!

[Ad-lib Bridge]
[Music continues with a driving rhythm, voices conversing over the top]
Singer 1: "Probably got a master's degree in muckin' folks about!"
Singer 2: "Aye, might even have a PhD!"
Singer 1: "In bein' a pompous lout!"
Singer 3: [Shouting] "GET A PROPER JOB!"

[Instrumental Break]
[A furious, sloppy folk-punk accordion and fiddle solo, sounding like it's being played in a pub after six pints]

[Chorus]
[Even more raucous and defiant]
Well, you can take your academia and shove it where the sun don't shine!
This Yorkshire wisdom's workin' perfectly well, and it's still mine!
We're not post-nowt, you daft old git, we're readin' all the time!
Just 'cause it's not on parchment, don't mean it's not a bloody rhyme!

[Outro]
[Music breaks down into a chaotic, stomping rhythm with shouted ad-libs]
"Post-literate me arse!"
"Thick? I'll show 'em thick!"
[Final, shouted chorus line, then the sound of a glass smashing and the music cutting off abruptly.]

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The Post Literate Reel

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