Archivist Workbench v3.0

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Lyrics:

(Verse 1)
[VOCAL: Smarmy, condescendingly cheerful]
Old Rex had a problem, a rather messy habit
He’d do his business on the new wool carpet
The vet said, "He's fine, just a bit of a strain."
But I looked at the mess and I thought of the pain... for me.

(Chorus)
[VOCAL: Full, bright, jingle-like, with backing vocal harmonies]
That's why I chose the DigniPass way!
The Cut Your Losses plan for a rainy day!
It's a final solution for a messy pup!
You just hold him down and you... cheer him up!
Say goodbye to the smell and the constant dismay!
Hello, clean carpets with DigniPass!

(Verse 2)
[VOCAL: Confidentially, like he's letting you in on a secret]
Now Auntie Mildred, her mind's not what it was
She keeps forgetting which of us is which, because...
Well, the will's been written, the assets are clear
But her lingering presence is casting a fear...
On the portfolio.

(Chorus)
[VOCAL: Even more energetic, with more backing vocals]
That's why I chose the DigniPass way!
The Peace of Mind package you can prepay!
It's a dignified end to a costly decline!
And it frees up her bedroom so it can be mine!
Say goodbye to the worry and the long, slow decay!
Hello, spare room with DigniPass!

(Bridge)
[VOCAL: Suddenly sincere, over a slightly more serious chord progression]
We're not monsters here, we're pragmatic and kind
We just help you make the choice that's been on your mind
Why suffer the guilt? Why endure the long wait?
When you can convert your loved ones to a liquid estate!
It's efficient! It's neat! And it's morally sound!
(As long as the money's been properly found!)

(Chorus - Grand Finale)
[VOCAL: Full-blown, evangelical, choir-like energy]
So come on down to the DigniPass way!
The future is happening, happening today!
It's the ultimate gift for the family you love!
A one-way ticket to the heavens above!
Say goodbye to the burden, the fuss, and the strife!
Hello, bright future with DigniPass... for life! Or... not!

(Outro)
[VOCAL: Spoken, softly, like a phone number jingle]
DigniPass. Because sometimes, love means letting go... of their share of the inheritance.

Words: 0 | Characters: 0

The DigniPass Plan

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PHANTOM ARCHIVE: COMPONENT TRACKS & TAKES