[Intro] [Drumsticks count-in, bold attitude]
One! Two! Three! Four!
Oi, listen up!

[Verse 1]
Got a teenage son, taller than me
Work the chippy counter, paid off the books—cheeky
Signing on Mondays, cash in my hand
Got a rolling pin and a five-year plan

[Pre-Chorus]
Been on and off with a fella named Steve
Thought he was sweet, but he’s quick to deceive
Day out in Blackpool, rain pouring down
And what does he do when we get to town?

[Chorus] [Gang vocals, sassy]

He made me buy my own pastie!
Yeah, can you believe that cheek?
He made me buy my own pastie!
What a tightwad, what a freak!

[Verse 2]
I tell my mates, and they all roll their eyes
“Girl, ditch the loser, you deserve the prize!”
But I just laugh, it’s my favorite story
Bought my own pastie—wear it like glory

[Pre-Chorus]
Steve’s always gone when I need him most
But I’m still here, buttering toast
People stare, and I just grin
“Want to know what he did? Let me begin…”

[Chorus]
He made me buy my own pastie!
Yeah, can you believe that cheek?
He made me buy my own pastie!
What a tightwad, what a freak!

[Verse 3]
He’s got a car that’s old and slow
Never puts petrol in—says, “Women first, you know!”
Birthday card from Poundland, no gift inside
But I’ve got my dignity, I’ve got my pride

[Verse 4]
Still, I’ve got my mates, got my Friday night
Chips by the seafront, everything’s right
I’ll raise a glass, I’ll sing my refrain
Bought my own pastie and I’d do it again!

[Middle Eight] [Breakdown, spoken-shouted]

He says, “Don’t make a scene!”
I say, “Get lost, Steve!”
Keep your crumbs and your cold tea—
I’ll buy my own, I’ll buy my own, I’ll buy my own pastie!

[Chorus] [Louder, rowdier]

He made me buy my own pastie!
Yeah, can you believe that cheek?
He made me buy my own pastie!
What a tightwad, what a freak!

[Chorus] [Final, with extra gusto, all voices]

He made me buy my own pastie!
Yeah, can you believe that cheek?
He made me buy my own pastie!
Now I run the chippy and I’m queen of the street!

[Outro] [Shouted, then laughing]

So next time, love, you can buy your own pastie—
And see how you like it!
[Chomp!—big bite sound, band laughs, fade out]
