[Jingle Intro] [Upbeat 1970s Piano and Sunshine Pop]
(Twinkling chimes and a happy sigh)

[Verse 1] [Vapid Female Vocal]
Feeling blue, a little gray?
Is life a drag, day by day?
Don't you fret, don't be sad,
We've got the cure, it's not so bad!

[Chorus] [Major Key, Bright Harmonies]
Come on down to the clinic, honey!
We'll brighten up your day!
Take a little pill, sweetie pie,
Your problems go away!

[Verse 2] [Slightly Faster Tempo]
Mortgage high? Kids a mess?
Existential dread, I confess?
Boss a jerk? Marriage strained?
Just one pill, and you're unrestrained!

[Chorus] [Even More Enthusiastic]
Come on down to the clinic, sugar!
We'll brighten up your day!
Take a little pill, sweetie pie,
Your problems go away!

[Bridge] [Slight Key Change, Organ Enters]
(A brief, unsettling synth glissando)
Side effects? Oh, don't you mind!
Slight psychosis, one of a kind!
Blurred vision, teeth may fall,
But you won't care, not at all!

[Chorus] [Full Band, Clapping and Cheerful]
Come on down to the clinic, darling!
We'll brighten up your day!
Take a little pill, sweetie pie,
Your problems go away!

[Outro] [Fade Out with Laughter and Chimes]
(Giggles and a final, drawn-out chord)
The Clinic! Where happiness is just a swallow away!