[Intro][Upbeat Ska]
(Record scratch)
Is that a UFO? No, just my Aunt Sue!

[Verse 1][Slightly Paranoid, Fast-paced]
The mail carrier, Brenda, she’s got eyes too wide
And a smile that’s just a little bit too bright
My mother’s cooking? Always a disguise
Serving up compliance with her apple pies!

[Chorus][Comical, Almost Manic]
They’re all Martians, I tell you, every single one!
From the CEO to the girl next door, they’ve just begun
Their cosmic conquest, their galactic plot
To make us boys do… well, whatever they’ve got!

[Verse 2][Whispering, Dramatic]
My wife, bless her heart, with her sweet, sweet talk
Is she scanning my brain with that innocent gawk?
My daughters’ laughter, a high-frequency hum
Is it a mind-control beam, making my brain go numb?

[Pre-Chorus][Building Suspense, Slightly Off-key]
They say it’s love, they say it’s care
But I see the antennae, hidden in their hair!
They’re gathering intel, with every kiss and hug
While I’m just a pawn, a cosmic little bug!

[Chorus][Comical, Almost Manic]
They’re all Martians, I tell you, every single one!
From the CEO to the girl next door, they’ve just begun
Their cosmic conquest, their galactic plot
To make us boys do… well, whatever they’ve got!

[Bridge][Sudden Shift to Opera-esque, Over-the-top]
Oh, the grand deception! The interstellar scheme!
To terraform our planet, with a feminine dream!
They’ll build their starbases on our very soil!
And we’ll be their minions, stuck in endless toil!

[Guitar Solo][Wailing, Sci-Fi Sounding]

[Chorus][Comical, Almost Manic, Faster]
They’re all Martians, I tell you, every single one!
From the CEO to the girl next door, they’ve just begun
Their cosmic conquest, their galactic plot
To make us boys do… well, whatever they’ve got!

[Outro][Fading, Spoken Word, Increasingly Hysterical]
I gotta warn the fellas! Hide the remote controls! They’re coming for the thermostats! They’re… (static) … don’t believe their eyes… they’re… (whispers) … aliens! (Laughter fading out)