[Verse 1: Male vocal, weary, storytelling, slightly pompous]
I clicked upon the council site
With trembling hand and fading light
It asked for codes I'd never seen
And passwords that have never been
It spun me round and logged me out
And filled my soul with digital doubt...

[Verse 2: Male vocal, weary, storytelling, slightly pompous]
So I called the number, pressed button two
Then button four, then button blue
"Your call is important," the robot lied
With muzak scraping down my inside
'Til a voice came on, all crisp and clear...
Then passed me on—"I'll transfer you, dear."

[Chorus: Male vocal, soaring melodramatically, full of faux-grandeur]
And they want two thousand pounds from me!
For bins un-emptied, can't you see?
For pavements cracked and straying dogs
And bureaucratic, mindless clogs!
It's an outrage! A bloody disgrace!
I'm taking a stand! Right here in this place!

[Verse 4: Male vocal, weary, storytelling, slightly pompous]
The man I spoke to... his shoes were dull
Not buffed and shone—suspicious, that's full!
They're skimping on polish, I'll tell you that much
It's all a grand plot—a deliberate clutch
To keep us down while they dine up high
On fancy buffets and rhubarb pie!

[Bridge: Male vocal, agitated, speaking to the heavens)]
It's not about tax... it's about control!
They're mining the data and stealing my soul!
They know what I buy! They know where I've been!
It's all there online for their algorithms to glean!

[Final Chorus: Male vocal, soaring melodramatically, full of faux-grandeur]
But they'll not get two thousand pounds from me!
No bins un-emptied, can't they see?
For pavements cracked and straying hounds—
I'm drawing a line! I'm holding my grounds!
I'll write to my MP! I'll start a campaign!
...Or maybe I'll just... complain once again...

[Outro: Male vocal, defeated but still self-important, fading on a sigh]
...Complain once agaaaaaain...
(Sound of a phone left off the hook, a weary sigh, and a single, resolving piano chord)
