Girlfriend finished with me the other day
She said that I was alright and stuff,
but she had had a better offer
No list of faults, it wasn't me but her
And with that I'm supposed to feel better

She said she wished me all the best
And that I'd find someone more in tune with my soul
Someone more deserving overall
So self-deprecating and not appreciating
That the cow has left me rotting in a hole

I asked her who the lucky fella is
At first she didn't want to tell me
But I knew that it must be Eric
The sneaky bastard really couldn't let it be

[chorus]
Now I can only conclude that she's an awful bitch
Somebody new is providing a scratching for her itch
It's a very sad cessation and sod my reputation
She's left me stranded dying in a ditch

The funny thing is that Eric was my mate
He has done this to other blokes and I'm just one of many
That Romeo has form, he's a bastard and a moron
A traitor snake with scruples hardly any

And if she tries to come crawling back to me
When he has dumped her, shook her off like a flea
I'll be the one who is laughing,
she'll be the one who is feeling sore
And I shall be the winner of it all

[chorus]
Now I can only conclude that she's an awful bitch
Somebody new is providing a scratching for her itch
It's a very sad cessation and sod my reputation
She's left me stranded dying in a ditch

[Outro][Shouting and losing his mind]
Yeah, Sarah you can go to hell!
And so can you Eric!
Pair of bastards!
JUST FUCK OFF!