[Intro]
[Upbeat, jangly indie-pop, theatrical piano]

[Verse 1]
Albert sits upon the park bench, dust upon his coat
Polishing a medal that he bought to show his throat
He speaks of desert suns and sands, of cannons firing loud
A lonely soldier sketching pictures for the passing crowd
He says he fought the shadows in a land of burning gold
But Albert's boots are shiny, and his lies are getting old

[Chorus]
Oh, Albert tells the tales of a soldier on the run
Claiming he was hiding from the scorching foreign sun
He never left the country, never sailed the rolling seas
Just a dreamer in a uniform, shaking at the knees
(shaking at the knees)

[Verse 2]
He mentions Cairo markets and the tea they drank in Spain
The monsoon winds that battered down the barracks in the rain
But the truth is much quieter, a postman’s humble day
He never made it further than the docks at Weymouth Bay
He never saw the mountains or the palm trees by the shore
Just a man behind the counter in a dusty general store

[Chorus]
Oh, Albert tells the tales of a soldier on the run
Claiming he was hiding from the scorching foreign sun
He never left the country, never sailed the rolling seas
Just a dreamer in a uniform, shaking at the knees

[Bridge]
(Slow, whimsical)
He didn’t even make it to the borderlines of Wales
Just a king of empty whispers, a collector of the snails
He maps out all the jungles on the bottom of his shoe
Oh, Albert, we believe you... if we pretend it’s true

[Solo]
[Bright, bouncing trumpet melody]

[Verse 3]
The local boys are laughing as they hear of his retreat
From a battle that was fought alone on London’s concrete street
He holds a piece of ribbon like a Purple Heart of pride
With nowhere left to go now, and nowhere left to hide
So he sighs—
(whisper: just a story)

[Chorus]
Oh, Albert tells the tales of a soldier on the run
Claiming he was hiding from the scorching foreign sun
He never left the country, never sailed the rolling seas
Just a dreamer in a uniform, shaking at the knees

[Outro]
Yes, he’s a romantic, a wanderer of mind
Leaving all the reality of England far behind
Far behind...
(Fade out with piano trill)
Just a tale...
Just a tale...
