[Intro][Shouted, fast punk riff]

Oi! Oi! Oi!
Unbelievable!
How am I supposed to live like this?

[Verse 1]
Took a holiday, thought I’d get away
Booked a caravan, seaside cliché
Rolled up with my phone and my big ideas
First thing I asked—“What’s the password here?”

Blank stares from Mum, Dad shrugs and grins
“Try a walk on the beach, feel the sun on your skin!”
But I’m twitching, itching, ready to snap
No WiFi signal—what kind of trap?!


[Pre-Chorus: The "Digital Detox" Conspiracy]
They’re trying to break me! A digital detox scam!
This isn’t a holiday, it’s a prisoner-of-war camp!
No screens, no signals—just forced family talks
I swear they’re enjoying watching me go off the rocks!

[Chorus][Gang vocals, anthemic]
No WiFi in the caravan!
How can they expect me to survive, man?
No streaming, no memes, no TikTok dance
Can’t even Google “what’s the point of France?”

[Verse 2]
Board games and puzzles, they call it “wholesome fun”
But all I want is bars on my phone—not none!
Dad says, “Try nature!” Mum hands me a kite
But I just want to scroll through memes all night

I’m losing my mind, stuck in the sticks
What do I look like—someone born in ’86?
Can’t update my status, can’t post a rant
Might as well be living in some ancient shant!

[Chorus][Even louder]
No WiFi in the caravan!
How can they expect me to survive, man?
No streaming, no memes, no digital friends
This first-world nightmare, will it ever end?

[Bridge][Spoken, indignant]
I asked at reception, they laughed in my face
“Try going outside!”—what a disgrace!
I’m writing this song out of pure despair
If anyone can hear me, send WiFi—anywhere!

[Guitar Solo][Wild, frustrated energy]

[Verse 3: The "Withdrawal Symptoms" Verse]
My thumb keeps on twitching, a phantom-force scroll
I’m hearing notification pings that I can’t control!
I’d trade both my parents for one lousy bar
I’d walk over Legos to get Instagram—by far!

[Chorus][All out, desperate]
No WiFi in the caravan!
How can they expect me to survive, man?
No snaps, no swipes, not a single ping
Take me home, Mum—unplug everything!

[Outro][Melodramatic, collapsing]
No WiFi…
No WiFi…
No WiFi…
I can’t go on!