[Intro]
I AM MOTHERFLIPPING FURIOUS!

[Verse][Furious Punk]
For two weeks in a row now, mum has failed to get my favourite biscuits!
It's a travesty, a culinary crime, a total biscuit-based crisis!
The digestive situation is dire, the bourbons are a no-show.
I'm talking about the chocolate ones, the ones that make my spirit glow!

[Pre-Chorus][Aggressive Build-up]
She's out there buying oatcakes, and bloody fruitcake too!
Doesn't she understand my needs? This will not do!

[Chorus][Explosive Punk Anthem]
BISCUIT-GATE! It's a national disgrace!
My sugar levels are plummeting, I can't keep up the pace!
BISCUIT-GATE! Mum, you've gone too far!
I'm on the warpath now, beneath a biscuit-deprived star!

[Verse][Slightly Calmer, but still Pissed]
I tried explaining, I really did, with a reasoned, calm appeal.
I showed her pictures on my phone, of how the cravings feel.
She just patted my head and said, "Don't you worry, dear."
But her eyes held a glint of mischief, filled with punk rock fear!

[Pre-Chorus][Building Rage]
She's munching on some low-fat crackers, with a smug, infuriating grin!
She's forgotten my sweet tooth, where do I even begin?

[Chorus][More Furious Punk]
BISCUIT-GATE! It's a national disgrace!
My sugar levels are plummeting, I can't keep up the pace!
BISCUIT-GATE! Mum, you've gone too far!
I'm on the warpath now, beneath a biscuit-deprived star!

[Bridge][Spoken Word, Mocking]
"Oh, you want your Jammie Dodgers? Are you sure, darling? They have a lot of sugar."
(Scoffs) A lot of sugar? That's the POINT, woman! It's a BISCUIT! It's SUPPOSED to have sugar!

[Guitar Solo][Chaotic and Fast]

[Chorus][Full-blown Punk Fury]
BISCUIT-GATE! It's a national disgrace!
My sugar levels are plummeting, I can't keep up the pace!
BISCUIT-GATE! Mum, you've gone too far!
I'm on the warpath now, beneath a biscuit-deprived star!

[Outro][Fading Out with Shouting]
No more Rich Teas! No more Gingernuts! I want my CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVES! YOU HEAR ME, MUM?! BISCUIT-GATE! Aaargh!
