Went to pick a car up from dad's cousin
He lived in Luton town
He said the car was gratis, free of charge
only tax and insurance to pay

It was quite a distance, had to catch a bus
Arriving at tea time, picked up at the station
Driven to his house, and when we got there
We had a cup of tea 

He gestured at a computer, out in the back
and he said "please don't turn it on"
I wondered what he meant
but it all became clear after we'd been for a pint

He'd never been married, spent a lifetime in the navy
and sailed the big wide world.
He spoke of the loneliness on his own in a cabin
and things started making sense

"I'm gay", he said, and I told him "I am not"
He only had one bed in the house and where was I to sleep?
I could have driven home, but I made do with the sofa 
and made sure to leave my buckled jeans on

In the morning when I woke up, 
the atmosphere a little awkward
I made my plans to dash
I wasn't ungrateful but some things clash
with my sensibilities

Out on the front a neighbour stopped by
as I was getting in the car
He looked a bit quizzical
But it was explained "This is my cousin's lad"

Freedom beckoned and I got on the M1
with my new pride and joy
An idea popped into my, head as away of celebration
and thinking about Luton I sang this refrain

My gay cousin, ooo-ee-oo

My gay cousin, ooo-ee-oo

My gay cousin, ooo-ee-oo
