[Verse 1]
Bank Holiday Monday, propping up the bar
Wishing I hadn’t driven, can’t escape too far
Met a girl from the south, all pearls and perfume
Both of us whistling a different tune
By the third double gin, we’d arranged the next night
Two blurred individuals under neon light

[Verse 2]
A Northern lad stranded on Devonshire sand
Mixing like water with her champagne brand
Met her on Friday, bar near the pier
She ordered a cocktail, I stuck to the beer
Through the smoke and the shouting, we set up a date
Number on a damp beer mat—sealed my own fate

[Chorus][Explosive Farfisa Organ / Boogie Piano]
She ordered a prosecco, I asked for a bitter
She checked her iPhone, I checked the exit litter
Talked about skiing, gap years in the snow
I nodded along, but I just wanted to go
Her accent was posh, mine thick as coal
She was highly educated, I was barely on a roll

[Verse 3]
My wallet started sweating, prices made me choke
Two drinks in Torquay and I’m completely broke
She paused for a moment, I saw my chance
To slip away quietly—end this doomed romance

[Bridge][piano building]
She talked about her horses and her daddy’s degree
I pictured my old Ford, parked by a broken tree
She dreamed of Venice, I dreamed of home
She quoted Voltaire, I texted my mum on the phone

[Chorus][With driving rhythm and wall of keyboards]
She ordered a prosecco, I asked for a bitter
She checked her iPhone, I checked the exit litter
Talked about skiing, gap years in the snow
I nodded along, but I just wanted to go
Her accent was posh, mine thick as coal
She was highly educated, I was barely on a roll

[Verse 4]
I’m making a sharp exit, heading for the door!
This Northern lad can’t take it anymore!
She can keep her horses, her daddy, and her degree
I’m checking out of Devon—midnight train for me!

[Outro]
So if you see a Northern lad lost in the south
Counting every penny, watching his mouth
Raise a pint for the working class—out of his class, but free
Back on that midnight train, bound for reality!
