[Intro]
[Slow, jazzy piano intro]
[Male Vocal, smooth crooner style]

[Verse 1]
You say my life is a stagnant pool, just a bore
You pace around the living room and storm out the door
You claim our journey’s reached its final, dusty mile
But darling, your DRAMA... is really going out of style

[Verse 2]
You mock my stamp collection, you laugh at my trains
You say my simple pleasures are just evidence of "drains"
I’ve been doing my Christian best, turning the other cheek
But honey, your attitude is getting... awfully bleak

[Pre-Chorus]
I’ve kept the porch light on, I’ve kept the kettle hot
I gave you every single thing that I have got
(Oh, you’re missing out)

[Chorus]
But if you pack your bags and slam the frame
I promise you, I won’t be the one to blame
I’m a classic soul, a prize you just can’t see
If you walk away, you’re the loser, not me!
(Oh no, not me)

[Verse 3]
My indignance is crushing, yes, I’m feeling quite SORE
I’m tired of sweeping up your ego off the floor
You think you’re upgrading to a life that’s grand
But you’re just dropping diamonds for a handful of sand

[Bridge]
[Tempo building, brass section swelling]
Go on then, leave! (Leave!)
Take your spite and your doubt
I’ll be fine on my own
Without you moping about
It’s a tragedy, really... (laughs)
For you, not for me!

[Chorus]
’Cause if you pack your bags and slam the frame
I promise you, I won’t be the one to blame
I’m a classic soul, a prize you just can’t see
If you walk away, you’re the loser, not me!

[Outro]
[Slow, cabaret style]
So close the door... (carefully)
Don't let it hit you on the way out.
(Whisper: I'm keeping the trains.)
[Final piano flourish]
[End]