[Verse 1]
Alfie reads the Guardian and anything left-wing
Reads it all religiously—a hymn sheet he can sing
He wrings his hands at social issues, all the woes and ills
Takes it all onboard his conscience, up his mind it fills

[Chorus]
’Cause he’s woke, my friends—oh yes, he’s woke
He’s very much not a blokey bloke
Wears sympathy and compassion like something you wouldn’t believe
Preaches more than Saint Francis while looking down his sleeve!

[Verse 2]
He’ll cancel you for pronouns, then sip his fair-trade brew
Posts a black square on his Instagram—yeah, he’s that kind of dude
He’s got opinions on the patriarchy, neoliberalism, and Br*xit
But wouldn’t cross the street to help you—no, he’d rather just text it

[Chorus]
’Cause he’s woke, my friends—oh yes, he’s woke
He’s very much not a blokey bloke
Wears sympathy and compassion like something you wouldn’t believe
Preaches more than Saint Francis while looking down his sleeve!

[Bridge – spoken over cheesy organ halt]
“It’s not about actually doing good, you see…
It’s about being seen to be good…”

[Guitar solo – vaudevillian, slightly unhinged]

[Outro – crowd noise, Alfie yelling progressively weaker slogans]
“Eat the rich! … No, not that rich—I meant the other rich!”
