[Verse 1]
Blind drunk, I stumbled out, my mates nowhere in sight
Found a bar off Rosamund Street, dimmer than the night
Met a lady by the jukebox, with a twinkle in her eye
She said, “Come back to mine, love; just give it a try."

She promised she’d stick the kettle on, and stick it on she did
A battered old whistler, on a gas ring with a lid
She poured instant coffee, in a cup with a crack
I was far too well-oiled to ever turn back

[Chorus]
She stuck the kettle on, and I stuck around
In a flat full of trinkets on the rough side of town
A night of unplanned passion, if you’d call it that
And now I’m a father—imagine that!

[Verse 2]
Her cat watched suspiciously, perched on a chair
Wallpaper curling, old smoke in the air
She offered me biscuits, all stale and soft
But I was too far gone to politely scoff

One thing led to another, as the kettle steamed
By dawn I’d discovered it wasn’t all I’d dreamed
But fate has a sense of humour, or so I recall
Nine months later—well, that says it all

[Chorus]
She stuck the kettle on, and I stuck around
From the first tired smile to the ultrasound
A night of unplanned passion, in a council flat
And now I’m a father—imagine that!

[Bridge]
Now every Sunday, when I hear that kettle sing
I think of that evening, and the trouble it’d bring
Could’ve had a latte, somewhere uptown
But a cracked cup and a whistle turned my whole life around

[Chorus]
She stuck the kettle on, and I stuck around
Built a life from a night on the wrong side of town
From instant coffee to changing nappies flat
Well, I’m a father—fancy that!

[Outro]
So if you’re out drinking, and you lose your crew
And someone says, “Fancy a brew?”
Just remember my story, before you’re too far gone
It all starts simple—then she’ll stick the kettle on
